


Discussions of Import

by yarnandtea



Series: Lyrium Song [10]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Dragon Age II - Freeform, Fenders, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 02:42:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/806234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yarnandtea/pseuds/yarnandtea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders knows Fenris is eager to move their relationship forward on the physical level. But before they can, there are things they are going to have to talk about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Discussions of Import

Anders had long ago learned that he could be a patient man. Escape attempts only succeeded if you waited for just the right moment to make them. Revolutions did not occur without planning and cultivation.

Someone like Fenris did not just jump into bed with men like Anders.

But Fenris was worth waiting for, and everything they'd shared together since they'd started this relationship had been amazing. He liked sex a lot. But it was only such a small part of the equation. For Fenris he could go without forever if need be.

Only now, Fenris seemed done with waiting. He, as it turned out, was not a patient man _at all_. Not when he had gotten it into his mind that he really and truly wanted a thing. Anders knew it would be foolish to complain about Fenris' newfound eagerness, but he still wasn't sure where the two of them actually stood with one another. So much of their relationship was based on avoiding discussion of a topic that played a huge role in their lives. Anders would be a poor lover indeed if he let Fenris commit to them so completely when there was still such a huge chance that it could all end horribly.

They were going to have to sort out their difference of opinion on magic. At the very least they needed to come to some sort of understanding about it. Avoidance could only work for so long, after all. Anders had learned that lesson, too. He wasn't particularly looking forward to the conversation. But it had to be held. If it ended with them calling off their affair, well, Anders knew they would both be hurt. But better that than to actually have to face true betrayal down the road.

He thought about trying to ease Fenris into it. Perhaps he could make a grand gesture, cook a large romantic meal and try to put Fenris in the best possible mood before bringing it up. Anders dismissed the idea, Fenris was likely to be even more angered at the charade. Such trappings had never really been for them anyway. No, Fenris preferred to be dealt with honestly, so Anders would be as straightforward as he could. _Before_ things went any further in the bedroom.

Mind made up, resolve steeled, Anders brought up the subject as soon as opportunity presented itself. That opportunity came the next night as they were settling into bed after a long bath (the reward for an even longer day spent on the Wounded Coast). They'd stopped a very large ring of slavers that day, and Fenris was in good spirits. Anders sat on the edge of the bed, thinking about the best way to bring up the discussion, and Fenris sat down beside him. He leaned in to steal a kiss from Anders and Anders placed a hand on his chest to stop him. Fenris' brow creased and he gave Anders a questioning look.

"I love you, you know," Anders said quietly. The confusion in Fenris' eyes only deepened at the declaration. "I've never actually told you in so many words, but I do."

"And I, you," Fenris answered slowly. He moved to the end of the bed, drawing up his legs and crossing them beneath himself. He tilted his head and frowned slightly. "Is there some reason you feel the need to reassure me of things I already know?"

"Yes, actually." Anders sighed and then sat back against the head of the bed, mirroring Fenris' position as he turned to face him. "I'm afraid there is." He extended a hand to Fenris and was relieved when the elf reached out to take it. "And I need you to listen to what I have to say."

"Very well," Fenris agreed after a moment.

"Things between us have been progressing over these last few weeks. Physically, I mean. Don't get me wrong!" He said quickly when Fenris sat up a little straighter. "I have been enjoying that. Quite a lot. But, I get the impression you feel like you're ready to go even further." He gave Fenris a questioning glance and Fenris nodded slowly.

"I...would like that very much. Yes."

"Then I have to know," Anders said with a small smile and a squeeze of Fenris' hand, "what exactly it is that you want for us."

"Do you wish me to describe the acts?" Fenris sounded a bit baffled at the question.

"No!"  Anders' cheeks reddened and he hurried to explain. "I mean...what kind of relationship is it that you want for us? Do you see us together a year from now? Ten years? Or is this just..." He waved his free hand vaguely in the air, not wanting to voice the worry.

"I do not love so easily," Fenris said softly. "I should think you would know that by now. So no, this is not some casual affair, some tryst such as Isabela might have. I wish us to be together for as long as we can be. But as to the future, I admit I do not think on it much. I am not sure I can make promises for it."

"Because you are worried you still might have to kill me."

"Yes." There was a brief hesitation, and something flickered in those green eyes that Anders could not decipher. Fenris tried to pull his hand away but Anders held on tightly.

"I wish I could promise there would be no need," Anders said softly. Fenris' eyes locked with his and then he nodded once, sharply, before looking away. He did not try to pull his hand back again though, for which Anders was grateful. "You know about Karl?" Anders asked. "About what happened to him?"

"The Templars thought to use him to capture you, did they not?" Fenris looked at him again, frowning in thought. "They made him Tranquil."

"Yes, and I killed him," Anders whispered. "I loved him. But it was by my hand that he died."

"You told Hawke that the two of you had discussed such things, what you would want if such a fate befell you." He tilted his head in one side, clearly confused as to why Anders had brought his former lover into the conversation. "I am told that when Justice appeared, Karl was lucid again, if only for a few moments, and he confirmed his desire to die."

"Yes. He did." Anders blinked rapidly and raised his free hand to brush away the tears. But Fenris got there first, leaning in and wiping them away gently. He kissed Anders lightly and then moved so that they were sitting side by side. Fenris slid his arm around Anders' waist, hugging him tightly, and Anders rested his head on Fenris' shoulder.

"Anders, why are we discussing this?"

"Because I need you to know." Anders sat up again and turned so that he could look into Fenris' eyes. "That if I really do lose myself, if Justice and I can't hold back, if Vengeance takes over, that I _will_ want you to do for me what I did for Karl. I do not fear what you may have to do, because I know you will not do it unless it is necessary."

"I...see."

"But if that day does _not_ come...then I would have you by my side until I meet whatever end may be in store for me."

"Yes," Fenris breathed. "That would be...agreeable." Anders laughed and Fenris' lips quirked up in a smile of their own.

"I will not stop fighting to free mages, Fenris," Anders added after a moment. Fenris' smile swiftly turned to a scowl.

"Must we--"

" _Yes_." Anders insisted. "We must. If we really want to spend what remains of our lives together, then we must discuss this."

Fenris heaved a sigh and pulled his hand free. He rubbed at his temples as if he had a headache.

"I believe you," Anders tried again, "about Tevinter, and the magisters." Fenris looked at him, eyes wide with surprise. "But." Green eyes narrowed again. "Not all mages are like the magisters. I need _you_ to understand that. To realize that most of them have been treated no better than caged animals their whole lives."

"Caged animals can be dangerous to their masters when freed," Fenris observed wryly.

"Some of them, yes. But most of them just want to get as far from their cages as possible and simply _be_."

"Perhaps what you say is true..."

Anders quashed the triumphant jolt of glee that shot through him. Even that much of a concession was a huge step forward. Instead of grinning, however, he took Fenris' hand again, his face carefully blank.

"...but even those mages with good intentions are not without their danger." Fenris gave Anders a pointed look. Anders fought down a dozen arguments to counter the observation, noting the considering look on Fenris' face. He was rewarded when Fenris spoke again. "I have seen enough here in Kirkwall to realize some things though."

"Such as?"

"There are mages who turn to blood magic and demons simply because they seek power, it is true. But often, those who take such methods are simply seeking an escape, a path to end the abuse that has been heaped upon them." He frowned for a moment, looking as if the words tasted sour on his tongue. "The idea behind the Circles still has merit Anders." It was Anders' turn to scowl now but Fenris continued, "But The Gallows has clearly stopped serving its true purpose. It is nothing more than a keg of _gaatlok_ waiting for ignition."

Anders sat back, surprised at the admission.

"So I will not stop you from trying to free the mages of Kirkwall," Fenris told him. "The fewer in The Gallows when things take their inevitable turn, the better for everyone in this city. I have known you long enough to know that you've no qualms against fighting your own kind when they have turned. I trust you to do what is necessary in this. But." He held up a warning finger. "If you ask me to help, know that I reserve the right to refuse if I think the mages in question are already too far past saving. I will _hope_ that you will respect my advice in such matters, too."

"That seems more than fair," Anders said.

He sighed heavily and leaned against Fenris again, relieved to have gotten the discussion out of the way. It had gone far better than he had any right to expect. Fenris relaxed against him and they sat like that for a long time, fingers twined together. Eventually, they put out the lights and scooted down under the covers, curling up together. Anders felt much lighter for having cleared the air on that matter. He would never expect Fenris to suddenly declare advocacy for all mages, but to have the elf accept that they _did_ need help, even if it was just one particular group of them, was a vast reassurance.

_Of course, you still haven't told him everything..._

Anders bit his lip and shook his head slightly. The less Fenris knew about the plan, the safer he would be. Still.... Fenris shifted, rolling over to look at him in the dark.

"Was there something more you wished to discuss?" Fenris sounded wary, but also concerned.

"You are right that The Gallows is dangerous," he whispered. "Something terrible _will_ happen, if Meredith is allowed to continue as she has been. That could hurt mages all over Thedas."

"You blame it all on Meredith then?"

"No, but..."

"But you think if she was removed, there would be change for the better." It was an observation, not a question. "If I ask what you are planning, will you tell me?" Anders' silence was answer enough. Fenris heaved a sigh. "You will do what you must, love. As will I, if I think you go too far."

Anders could only nod in the dark, glad that Fenris would not press the issue. Fenris leaned over and placed a careful kiss on his lips, and Anders gratefully returned it. They fell asleep not long after, still twined tightly together.


End file.
